Sometimes my heart fills and I wonder how I could possibly put what I'm feeling into words. Can I even decipher my own feelings?
Sometimes I read something that takes my breath away and I want to share it with others.
Sometimes I think I must be the only 17 year old with such a burden for reaching the unreached with the Gospel and orphans...and I find that I'm not. I don't even know this girl but I'm blown away by her love for Jesus. And I'm amazed at how God draws people to Himself. (In case you're wondering, I just found her blog today and did not copy her title :)...the similarity is pretty neat, though, isn't it?)
Sometimes I dream big dreams and wonder how they will ever come to fruition. Yes, God can do anything...but will He do it for me? And I must remind myself that if He has planted a desire in my heart, He will fulfill it.
Sometimes I'm just totally overwhelmed by the grace of God. That He would love and save a sinner like me. That He would choose to use me for His kingdom. Not because I'm strong. I'm weak. Not because He needs me to accomplish His purposes. He doesn't. But because He wants to use me for His glory. What an amazing privilege!
Sometimes my heart aches as I look at pictures of children waiting for adoption. And I wonder...why me, God? Why now? Why my heavy heart? Why this longing? I'm in no position to adopt. Since I was around 14...why? And then conviction. Am I praying for them? Am I spreading the word? Am I doing what I can where I'm at now? Yes, it hurts. When I take the time to think, it hurts. Perhaps it would be easier to think about video games, the latest gadget, or cute clothes. But would I get the chance to feel this LOVE? Love for kids I've never met and will not meet. Love that they can't return in any way, shape, or form. Is God giving me a glimpse of what He feels for orphans? Love. Unexplainable. Incomprehensible. Love. That makes my throat ache. That makes my eyes blink rapidly. And you may think but you've never even met them. I haven't. But God formed them in the womb just like He did you and me. God knows every hair on their heads. God sees them when they cry themselves to sleep while I fuss about trivial problems. God sees the ones who die long before they should have.
And it enters my mind: how do I ever let myself forget? Because I do. I get caught up in the busyness of life. I make mistakes. I sin. I stress out over silly, insignificant things. Meanwhile people suffer. Children lose parents. Families starve. People go into a Christless eternity. And it hurts to remember.
The solution? Jesus. My mind struggles. Could it really be that simple? Run to Jesus? Really? Find satisfaction and fulfillment in Jesus? Really? What about a book on the subject? That might help. What about if I just stay really busy? Will that help? What if I focus on raising money for orphans and missions? Isn't that good? Yes. But it still isn't the answer. It isn't?
Jesus is enough.
You mean I don't have to handle all this by myself? Wait. I can't make it happen? I can't change lives? Only God can? That's right! How could I have tried to rely on myself? How foolish.
Jesus is the answer for unreached people groups. And Jesus is the answer for you and me. Not as a cherry on top or a nice addition to our life or a recipe for happiness or fire insurance. As our LIFE. Period. I want to be able to say with Paul "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."
You know what? It still hurts. I need to daily trust God who is a Father to the fatherless. He can comfort and protect orphans far better than I ever could. Does that excuse us from trying to help? Of course not. But let's not try to do it in our power, okay? It won't work.
And when I forget? When I blow it? God still loves me. Such incomprehensible love! I love You, Lord!
There's more I could say...but I'll end with what I'll need to remind myself of time and time again:
Jesus is enough. He is good. All. The. Time.